He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
