when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
