i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
