I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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