she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
