I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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