She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
