yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
