Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
