you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He uses pillows to masturbate.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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