5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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