dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
