remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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