Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
