Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize