I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
