I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
