My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
