why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
