i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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