I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
