i jhust puked up my retainher.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
