I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
