I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
