something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize