that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
