i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
