i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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