Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
