I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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