I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
