I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize