I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Randomize
