He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
cat food counts as protein by the way
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
