Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
