he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
