Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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