The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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