this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
