Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
