Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
