and you said cock pushups were impossible
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
