I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
