I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize