she was so not down for the gang bang
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
