Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
