So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
