ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
