I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
