OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
