Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
