Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
