Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We need a shit load of segways right now
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
