There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
