my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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