sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
