his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
