How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
