if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Let's get the cat blown out
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
