Tell her she can't have a vagina
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
