I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i think i scared a bird with my dick
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
