Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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