he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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