fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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