i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
