i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
