If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
