I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Randomize
