The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize