he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
