Yo dont text me then not text me
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Randomize
