i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
