I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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