I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
