make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize