Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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